


Sun and Moon and Stars

by mqtryoshka



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Help, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Smut, idk what to tag this is my first fic on this site, it ends well i promise, support nex7, this is a whole ass mess, uh, xukun is kind of a dick, zhu zhengting is the nation's baby boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 08:30:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mqtryoshka/pseuds/mqtryoshka
Summary: - in which zhengting and xukun are sex partnersor, zhengting falls in love with xukun when he knows he's not supposed to.





	Sun and Moon and Stars

**Author's Note:**

> wassup fellas
> 
> just a few things u need to know so that this short fic makes sense:
> 
> -xukun is a senior (so he's older than zhengting)  
> -zhengting is a junior
> 
> thats it lmao enjoy uglis !

Teeth occasionally clashing together. The sweet flavor of strawberry mixing with the bitter taste of smoke. This is how it often went- no, this is how it always went. Zhengting pressed up against Xukun like he was his life support, Xukun hungrily roaming Zhengting's body, hastily running his soft hands over every curve and dimple that had been burned onto his memory disk for quite some time now. In between classes, during lunch breaks, when Zhengting would mysteriously disappear and all his goody-too-shoe friends would wonder where on earth he had gone; in the janitor's closet on the third floor- the one no one ever went into, in the empty bathrooms, where moans dripping with pleasure and lust could resonate. They needed each other, but Xukun didn't need Zhengting the way Zhengting needed Xukun.

Zhengting always hoped Xukun would stay a little after, after he had finished completely wrecking him, making him feel so bad it felt good. He wished Xukun would just remain a bit longer- long enough to stay and stroke his hair until he fell asleep. Long enough to wrap his arms around Zhengting's glass frame and make him feel secure. But he never did. And Zhengting would always be left once more in his too big house, in which his footsteps would echo too loudly on the marble floor, and he would sleep alone in his king sized bed that felt all too lonely, in a home that had always been too empty.

Both boys had unhealthy addictions. Xukun relied too much on his cigarettes, and Zhengting relied too much on Xukun. It hurt, because every day Zhengting would catch himself falling deeper and deeper, like Alice endlessly falling dow the rabbit hole, floating through indecisive feelings and confusing heartbeats.

The halls were emptying themselves- the last bell had just rung, signaling long awaited freedom for all students. When the dust had settled, and not a single person was left roaming the corridors, Cai Xukun appeared, like an anti angel, black hair provoking contrast with his pale milky skin. Dressed in black, a fresh cigarette tucked behind his right ear, he made his way to were Zhengting was waiting, books hugged tightly to his chest- looking so small and breakable, and so fuckable. Hands in his pockets, Xukun threw a confident grin Zhengting's way, and the younger already felt himself melting. He knew he shouldn't, he knew he should stop- like Xukun should probably stop smoking. But he just couldn't. And that's how things were, and that's how they always seemed to be.

“M-my place?” It was too hard for Zhengting to form a proper sentence. Subject, verb, complement. Subject, verb, complement. He hated the impact the devil leaning over him had, elbow over his head, resting against a bright red locker, face so close their noses were practically touching. He despised it yet relished in it. He needed to feel like this, used and wanted- and somewhere along the way he had grown used to not feeling loved.

“I'll be there around 10pm,” Xukun winked, and in the blink of an eye, was almost at the entrance, taking his leave and abandoning Zhengting, like one of his old cigarette butts. The cigarette butt let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. God Damnit Cai Xukun, you'll really kill me if you continue like this.

Waiting for Xukun was always dreadful. After finishing his homework and filling out some papers (fulfilling his class president duty), all Zhengting could do was wait- it's all he had to do anyway. Wait and wait and wait for Xukun to show up and use him once more, tear him down and leave him broken.  
But it all felt too damn good- the wait for something so bittersweet, so detestable yet so euphoric, hence Zhengting despising this relation he maintained with Xukun, yet not being able to part from it. It was torture- but Xukun and Zhengting both knew best he loved pain.

The doorbell rang and the fragile boy felt his heart picking up the pace, beating so fast, screaming “hey dumbass the devil's at your door”. Feet moving faster than brain, Zhengting ran down the two flights of stairs, socks sliding on the shiny floor. He opened the door in a rush, so hastily he fell straight onto Xukun, who was quick enough to react. A deep blush coated the younger's cheeks, making Xukun chuckle.  
“Are you really that eager, Ting?”  
How could someone so cold inhabit such a warm body?  
“Don't flatter yourself,” He huffed, crossing his arms and unconsciously pouting, praying to god the light pink that had dusted his face earlier was now gone. It wasn't.  
Xukun pressed his lips against Zhengting's pouty ones, softly at first. It didn’t take long for the intensity of the kiss to increase: simultaneously, Xukun darted his tongue on Zhengting's bottom lip and slammed the front door shut.

Hands all over the place, the two boys stumbled to the base of the staircase, Zhengting struggling to get Xukun's buttons undone (which made the older laugh). Zhengting let out a needy whine as their bruised lips parted, and Xukun, just as eager as him, motioned for him to jump on his back, so they could get up the two flights of stairs quicker. On the way up, Zhengting whispered in Xukun’s ear, telling him how badly he wanted to be used (which resulted into the older’s eyes darkening with raw lust).

Zhengting was thrown on his white sheets, and roughly attacked once more with soft lips. Needy was the best word to describe them, as they quickly discarded each other shirts, the exact same way they always did. Xukun nipped at the precise area near Zhengting’s collarbones, knowing perfectly it was his weakest spot. But then again, the younger seemed to have a lot of weak spots. Breathing becoming jagged, burning to do something for Xukun, Zhengting stopped the older midway through creating yet another hickey- rather similar to the couple other bruises already blooming on his heaving chest- and softly pushed him back. He proceeded to palm the blasphemer, lips curving up the slightest when getting positive response (really hot groans escaping Xukun’s puffy lips).

Xukun’s jeans were getting uncomfortably tight.

“Zhengting,” His voice was low and husky- the two syllables almost coming out as a growl.

And Zhengting knew exactly what Xukun was demanding- he didn’t waste anytime getting rid of the pants and underwear barrier. The cock in front of him was semi hard- and god damn was he impatient to make it completely rigid, to be the cause of the older’s pleasure, to be praised, to feel infatuation- even if it was just a mirage, even if he knew damn well it was pure eroticism. It was okay lying to himself (another lie). Tongue licking up from the base to the tip, Zhengting’s eyes got lost in Xukun’s. Love and lust- he could see the pair of orbits in front of him weren’t transmitting the same passion as his. Yet he continued nonetheless, bopping his head up and down, hollowing his cheeks- taking in all of Xukun, because he knew he looked pretty that way (Xukun had told him over and over again more than enough times). Tears were prickling his eyes as his hair was getting pulled and the tip of Xukun’s length was hitting the back of his throat. The pain was what he adored the most.

“Fuck Ting,”

He finished off with a pop and stood up from his position- belly against the soft sheets, laying right in between Xukun’s legs- to his knees, only to be immediately pushed back. The condom was hastily rolled on, rubber sticking like a second skin. Xukun didn’t prep Zhengting at all- he barbarously pushed in, without warning. This much made Zhengting gasp, his chest was heaving, and his sweat and tears were beginning to mix. It was almost too much- almost, and it was this borderline unbearable pain borderline immense pleasure that Zhengting venerated.

Xukun leaned down, placing both veiny hands on each side of the quivering boy underneath him, to get a better position, to switch to a faster, more animal like pace. At this moment, Zhengting clawed at his back, breathing irregular, eyes shut tightly, squeezing out pearls of twinge and bliss. Xukun bit down softly on Zhengting’s left collarbone, forcing a high pitched yelp out of him.

Zhengting was seeing stars, vision blurred and thighs trembling as Xukun found the right spot.

“A-ah Kun, right there,” he half screamed half whispered over and over.

Xukun was close too, Zhengting knew from the way he repeatedly whispered fuck, from the way he would squeeze his eyes shut every few seconds, from the way he grunted. He was like a poem Zhengting had learned by heart in grade school- the ones you remember until the day you die. It only took few more thrusts for him to come, filling up the condom completely. His velocity didn’t change until Zhengting came as well, spurting white all over his milky stomach.

Zhengting was unbelievably tired, and let the exhaustion take over his body, slowly shutting his eyes. He could hear the sound of fabric moving and knew without having to look that Xukun was putting his clothes back on. He could make out footsteps getting quieter and quieter, and the room was overwhelmed with a dead silence for a few instants, no longer resonating with moans and gasps and “fucks”. Xukun’s presence was sensed again, and, eyes still closed, Zhengting felt the warmth of the wet cloth being carefully swiped across his stomach, wiping him clean. Perhaps he was dreaming (Xukun thought he was asleep), perhaps his conscious state was messing with him- whatever it was, he felt soft lips- undeniably Xukun’s- being pressed against his tummy in the most delicate way before getting tucked in his soft sheets. The front door was slammed shut, and Zhengting slipped into Morpheus’ inviting arms, laying desolated in his vast and empty bed.

It was 6:30 a.m. Friday morning when Zhengting’s eyes fluttered open, blindly reaching for his phone to turn off the stupidly annoying alarm off. It was the end of winter (although it didn’t seem like it), and he was dreading leaving his warm spot to get ready for school. After a few minutes of debating, he decided he really didn’t want to screw up his perfect attendance, and left the sheets.

Zhengting arrived early to school, as per usual, and sat down next to Yanchen, who was also always in advance. The perhaps real perhaps dreamt tummy kiss had been on Zhengting’s mind since he woke up, and Yanchen, being a very precise boy, picked up the little details indicating Zhengting’s troubled state (which Zhengting was unconsciously letting slip).

“Hey is anything on your mind?”

Zhengting looked up from his science notes (it’s always good to reread your notes from the class you’re about to attend; refreshes the memory). He sighed. It was a long term debate of his- whether to tell someone, whether to spill everything to his group of friends; whether to seek advice and consolation or not. In this moment, he decided to put his brain aside and let his guts speak. It was really scary to do so, Zhengting felt nervous. Really fucking nervous.

“Actually, yeah. Yeah there is,” he breathed out “Can we talk, like tonight ? You can stay over at mine.”

Yanchen nodded, looking rather concerned, so to lighten the mood, Zhengting cracked a smile and added a “I’ll pay for the pizza.” Yanchen gave him a small smile, it was one of his comforting smiles; warm and reassuring. The bell rang and people started filing into the classroom, drawing a close to their little exchange.

Xukun watched Zhengting as he excused himself from his group of friends. He had noticed over time that the younger had a rather small bladder, so it was pretty common for him to go to the bathroom a couple times during the same lunch break. He waited until Zhengting had completely exited the room before pushing his himself off of the wall, and starting to nonchalantly walk in the same direction. Zhengting was washing his hands when Xukun stepped foot in the bathroom- it was only when he went to dry his hands that he noticed the devil’s presence (Xukun found it so oddly endearing that Zhengting would just be in his own world, cheerily humming to himself).

“You scared the shit out of me!” Zhengting hit Xukun on the chest after recovering from the fright, a little embarrassed he had yelped the way he did. The older was about to say something- most likely a snarky remark, along with the habitual smirk- but decided against it and went straight to placing his hands on Zhengting’s small waist, inching closer. Closer, closer, closer. Soft lips grazed soft lips. Xukun’s scent pulling Zhengting in like a magnet. Just as the desperate was about to get what he craved, Xukun turned his head, ever so slightly, so his breath hit Zhengting’s ear.

“Mine or yours tonight?”

The whispered interrogation compelled Zhengting to answer; mine yours, yours mine- anything. But Yanchen popped in his mind, and just this time, he’d have to pass. Even if he craved Xukun’s touch, was desperate to feel the body heat of the one he loved so profoundly, the necessity to be selfish- just this one time- was undeniable.

“Can’t. I have plans,” He didn’t mean for it to come out so cold and dry. He really didn’t. In fact, he felty absolutely terrible as he looked into Xukun’s eyes, which displayed- was it hurt? Sadness? Anger? He wasn’t quite sure. One thing was neat and clear; his heart hurt.

Zhengting only crossed Xukun once during what was left of the school day. Forlorn glances were exchanged. Xukun was first to break eye contact.

Yanchen didn’t interrupt at all during Zhengting’s (long) rant. Glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, head rested against the palm of his hand- Yanchen had always been a good listener, there was just something about him that felt very consoling, it had always been so.

“So, all in all, you love someone who doesn’t love you back,” Yanchen’s voice was calm. “Well if you put it that way, it does seem kind of harsh,” Zhengting scratched the back of his neck.

“But it’s the truth, is it not?”  
“It is.”  
“And you’re the one to blame for your own sufferance.”  
“I thought this was Help Zhenting Time, not Bash Zhenting time.”  
“Sorry. I mean you can’t help who you fall for, but staying in this toxic relationship isn’t Xukun’s fault. He’s not forcing you to stay,” Yanchen raised an eyebrow “Is he?”  
“No, he isn’t, my Kun isn’t an angel, but he’s not a complete dick either.”  
“Zhenting, he’s not your Kun. Look at the state your in. You’re absolutely miserable, you only keep going for the high of being in his presence. And when he’s absent you feel so shitty. You have to wake up.”  
“I know, I know.”  
“No, you don’t know, that’s why I’m sitting here telling you. You’ve been watching all this in a world of gray and it’s time you see the situation in black and white.”  
“Yeah but-“  
“Do you really love him?”  
“I’m sure of it, yes.”  
“Does him not showing you signs of loving you back hurt?”  
“It’s not just signs, Yanchen.”  
“Have you asked?” Zhenting was quiet for a little bit.  
“No.”  
“Answer my question then.”  
“Yes, it hurts like a bitch.”

If Zhengting had been told by anyone else to confess Xukun and risk never talking to him again, he would have laughed. But it was Yanchen, and Yanchen made things seem reasonable. Perhaps Zhengting had been convinced. The night ended with pizza and cursing over Mario Kart.

It took two weeks for Zhengting to man up. Yanchen had yelled at him once or twice, when Zhengting called him after Xukun had left. The phone conversations usually went like this: “So did you confess?” “No, but my ass hurts like hell.” “You fucking brainless guinea pig.”

Friday felt like good day, because after Friday there was Saturday, and on Saturdays, Zhengting could hide in his bed all day. Zhengting walked up to Xukun during lunch- something he never did. All eyes were on them, which should’ve been expected, the school’s well known Marlboro smelling antichrist senior getting dragged out of the cafeteria and into the hallway by the juniors’ class president was a little more than just shocking.

“Couldn’t wait until tonight huh? And in front of the entire cafeteria too? You manage to surprise me more and more everyday babe,” Xukun’s smile seemed genuine and playful; Zhengting wasn’t sure whether it truly was or not.

Zhengting took a deep breath in, hoping it would help steady his trembling body and calm his frantic heart- it didn’t.

“No actually, I need to talk to you.”  
“I’m listening.”  
“Not here,” Zhengting grabbed Xukun’s wrist once more and led him to the field.

Xukun leant against the side of the bleachers, hands stuffed in his pockets, waiting for Zhengting to speak up again. They stayed like this for a while, Xukun watching Zhengting expectantly, Zhengting staring at the grass.

“So, what’s up buttercup?”  
“This isn’t really easy to say,” The younger muttered  
“It’s alright, I’ve got time. Well not too much time, I need a smoke,” he winked. God he was just making this harder. Why did he have to sound so genuinely caring today?  
“I’m in love with you.”

There it was. The heavy L word. The atmosphere was dense and weighed down on both boys, like a bomb had been dropped and everything was blurred by the smoke (or maybe it was the baby tears that were welling up that hazed Zhenting’s vision). It felt as if time had stopped- or at least it felt as if their hearts had stopped beating.

“You’re in love with me?”

“Yeah,” Xukun repeating the evident truth was like a punch straight to the stomach. “Yeah, I’m fucking in love with you. And it fucking hurts and yeah, I know I’m being a baby and I’m being sensitive, but I can’t go on like this. When we have sex, I feel so euphoric. When you touch me, I feel warm inside. When you look into my eyes, I fall more in love with you. But I know you don’t love me back, and it hurts like a bitch. So I have to be a little selfish- although I doubt you’ll have a hard time finding a new sex partner. I’m sorry, as much as I love being in your presence, I know you don’t love being in mine- at least not in the way that I’d like you to.”

The silence was absolutely dreadful, Zhengting didn’t know how long he could stay there, in this noiselessness mess. Finally Xukun looked up. Hands still in his pockets, he whispered an “okay”, so hushed Zhengting thought it had been mouthed.

“I’m going out for a smoke.”

The words resonated, Zhengting was left alone, in the middle of the field, heartbroken. He felt like he had been plunged in acid, he had been burned to the core. Xukun’s blunt and empty words painfully nipped at his glass skin, dismantling him piece by piece. The agony inundated his entire being; hollow body, dispersed pieces of a shattered heart were scattered from his collarbones to his last pair of ribs. There was only one thing left to do; sink to the ground and let his tears slip.

Zeren was the first to point out to the rest of his friends that Zhengting was missing. He hadn’t been in chemistry- to which Wenjun added that he hadn’t been in literature either. Justin was speaking frantically, the situation was dire. Zhu Zhengting never missed a single class, not even when he was sick. After a good thirty minutes of searching the campus, it was Quanzhe that found Zhengting- a silhouette against the bleachers, head buried in knees.

Firstly, Quanzhe embraced Zhengting, who’s body was immediately racked by loud sobs at the contact of such familiar and comforting body heat. Secondly, he called the others. The day ended in a massive collective hug, and a long awaited explanation from Zhengting.

Post-explanation, the friend group didn’t even have the chance to glare at Xukun in the school hallways (much to their childish dismay), because the devil himself didn’t attend school. For three weeks and two days (Zhengting was counting, because although Xukun had completely stepped on his fragile little heart and crushed it, he couldn’t manage to forget him, and although he really didn’t want to believe it, a part of him deeply missed him), Xukun had practically gone missing.

Three weeks turned into Pity Zhengting Weeks. Zhengting really did appreciate his friends, but sometimes they would go a little overboard with trying to console him:

\- Week 1; Cuddle Week.  
Quanzhe, Zeren, Wenjun, Yanchen, Minghao and Linong took turns going over to Zhengting’s house, bringing various snacks and DVDs (mostly Disney). Perhaps their presence was needed and rather comforting, but the contrast of a lively and warm home filled with his closest ones with an empty marble palace with blinding white furniture and walls only resulted in Zhengting feeling even more desolated when night came and he was on his own. The efforts filled broken boy with much gratitude nonetheless.

\- Week 2; Drag Zhengting Outside Week.  
After the incalculable amount of times Zhengting had cried in front of Disney movies whilst stuffing his face with the snacks his friends had brought over, Wenjun insisted they took him outside for some fresh air and sunlight. This required the most effort on Zhengting’s part. Naturally, they were trying to be supportive and caring, but all Zhengting wanted to do was stay home. He often got angry at them (although they didn’t mind, nor did they blame him for lashing out at them), yelling at them that they didn’t understand. He was so in love with someone he so badly wanted to despise, like how Xukun knew how damaging his cigarettes were, but couldn’t overcome his addiction. Addicted, that’s how he felt.

\- Week 3; Leave Zhengting Alone Week.  
After two weeks of trying to heal him, Zhengting’s friends realized Zhengting needed time to heal himself. This week was more comfortable, but it was also the loneliest (though they never failed to check up on Zhengting, sending him encouraging messages). At school, the seven friends continued to joke around and bickering like they had the previous weeks, pretending as if nothing had happened, continuing ignoring stares and whispers directed towards Zhengting. It was nice, and made Zhengting feel comfortable without feeling overwhelmed. Zhengting’s misery was still very much present, and his ache to even get a glimpse of Xukun again was becoming unbearable. The feelings overall were fairly detestable.

Zhenting was exhausted; exhausted of being sad and exhausted of thinking about Xukun without a day’s rest. He especially didn’t have the energy to attend that evening’s soccer match, but as class president, he was implicitly obliged to.

Xukun was getting sick of the letters the school was sending him regarding his absences. In fact, it really fucking irked him. So when the postman came around, and the truck continued down the road to reveal Lin Yanjun waiting for him to come get the mail, a scowl on his face and foot impatiently tapping, Xukun got extremely irritated. He didn’t want to see anyone, and he especially didn’t want anyone to see him.

“What are you doing here?” Xukun sighed as he neared Yanjun.

“Putting some sense back into you,” Yanjun said, remotely calm, before his fist collided with his friend’s glass skin.

“What the actual fuck!”

“Listen to me you dimwit,” Yanjun grabbed Xukun’s collar tightly, “You’re being an absolute dick. You obviously love Zhu Zhengting, and he had the fucking guts to confess to you. He was probably fucking terrified, and what do your three fucking brain cells decide to do? You didn’t even give him an answer, you insensitive brat-“

“I don’t love him!”

Yanjun threw another punch.

“Bullshit! Do you think I’m fucking stupid? Not only do you love him, but you’re fucking in love with him,” he spat, “I’ve seen you look at him, like he’s the sun, the moon and the stars. Fucking wake up. You’re making the boy you love- who loves you back, by the way, agonize just because you’re a fucking pussy!”

“It’s not that easy Yanjun,”

“I know, I was fucking there when the thing happened! And I held you when you were crying like there was no tomorrow,” The silver haired boy switched to a softer tone and loosened his grip, “I fucking remember all of it, but you have to move on, Kun, it was three years ago. You’re hurting both yourself and Zhengting. Only you can fix this mess.”

“He probably doesn’t even want me anymore,” The sentence came out muttered.

“You have to fucking try, god you’re so dumb,” Yanjun checked his watch, “Go right now! He’ll be at the game for sure, if you go now, you can catch him at the end, before he leaves.”

Xukun blinked.

“Go! Go, you fucking prick!”

Xukun never ran so fast in his life. His lungs were on fire, his left eye was throbbing, and he felt a thick liquid dripping down from his nose to his chapped lips (without Zhenting, there was no sense in wearing chapstick, it just felt wrong). Nothing could stop him now, nothing.

The sky rumbled like it had foreseen the future. Heavy grey clouds chased the blue out of the heavens, a slight drizzle fell upon the ashy concrete- Xukun was almost at the entrance of the school. The sound of thunder resonated- Xukun ran through the hallways like a mad man.

Slowing down, Xukun was now near the bleachers, and the big numeric clock consecutively displayed the numbers three and zero in the seconds slot. Xukun’s eyes scanned the sea of students sitting on the now soaked metal seats. Twenty seconds. He made his way to the base of the bleachers, ending up face to face with the spectators. No one payed attention to him. Ten seconds. Xukun desperately searched for his sun and moon and stars. Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three. A heart had never beat this fast. Two. A soul had never been this impetuous. One.

“ZHU ZHENGTING!” Xukun poured all his remaining energy into these three syllables.

The match was over, Panthers had won.

Zhengting stood up, reacting without fault to the sweet sound of Xukun’s voice. “Zhu Zhengting!” Xukun began running up the bleachers, impatient to reach the top, “I’m madly in love with you!” He yelled this statement proudly, confidently, eager to reach Zhengting, who was staring at him with wide eyes, standing completely drenched, body not responding. Finally, after what felt like forever, his limbs allowed him to react, and he too, hurriedly started to make his way down the bleachers, down to Xukun. Magnetized, like North and South poles, they were pulled to each other by a force so foreign yet so familiar, and finally met halfway, colliding in the neediest, tightest embrace.

It didn’t matter that the entire student body was watching them with wide eyes, letting out shocked gasps and inaudible whispers, lover boys had locked themselves in their own bubble. Xukun tenderly grabbed the sides of Zhengting’s face, repeating “I’m sorry” over and over again, similar to a broken record.

“Shut up and kiss me you fool,”

“God I love you so much,”

Their mess was one in which tears, rain, blood and saliva mixed together. It’s what they called love; adoration in it’s purest form. Eros had made Xukun for Zhengting and Zhengting for Xukun. Two puzzle pieces, that’s what they were. Untouchable, that’s what they were. Imperfect and utopian. It was their lovely mess, the one they had tangled themselves into, and somehow found themselves stuck in; for the better (and perhaps for the worse).

**Author's Note:**

> the 'three years ago' part is left unexplained so y'all can imagine what you'd like uwu
> 
> hope you enjoyed 
> 
> later losers mwah


End file.
